My Thoughts/Review Blog
The Search for Sadiquah, issue 0
Another one of my Kickstarters cleared and it's a series I've been waiting on for awhile now. But before that, can I say that this year's been good for my Kickstarter choices? Yeah, some have been late, but the bulk of them published this year. Considering the issues post-COVID, I'd say that a good landmark.
And speaking of landmarks, have you ever heard of Tulsa? This story starts off with a slight nod to the massacre there in 1921 in the setting, though it's hard to tell if it really is Tulsa beforehand. But I see where this is going...
Sadiqah is a smart and strong 13-year-old girl living in this small city. Her father's bank sponsors her school but it is facing trouble as some scummy folks want to buy it out. There's a lesson here about not letting outsiders control your finances. But before we go further down that road, Sadiqah faces a ninja attack and the truth about her origins.
The artwork is pretty good, though not quite amazing. I like the facial expressiveness, but the framing wasn't as inspiring. I liked the background and scenes a bit better than the character art. Will we see improvements in issue #1? Well, I have it and I'll talk about it next week.
You can find Issue 0 at Platform7 and Tuskegee Heirs for now.
Lyrical Ruckus in the City; the ODB tribute
ODB, the Ol' Dirty Bastard. Russell Jones had a lot of names and interests. Comics was apparently one of them. A group of comic artists and writer teamed up for this Kickstarter, with the blessing of his estate, to make this eclectic collab focused around NYCs black population & experience.
The premise of the story is that the multiverse collided in NYC, forcing 119 versions of the city to merge into 1, with a corp called SoundCorp (I guess this is a stand-in for RCA or Columbia) trying to take the elemental power crystals that forced during the merge. There are 5 different stories related around the theme of encroaching corporations targeting the black communities and those people being inspired by the 'ghosts' of ODB to fight back. How much of that is related to his life? A bit here and there. They say he was a man of the people, and the strip joint.
The art styles vary with each art team. The best art by far was the second story Demon Flow. The dark themes and paneling really impose the dread on the reader. You can tell something bad will happen from the second frame. The worst was the first story about the robots coming to steal dance moves, which is a shame because the story was fun.
Is it as good as other collabs I've read? No, not really. While the stories are not completely synced with each other, the general connection of the community seemed more present. You get the feel of the city and of what the ODB was getting at with most of his lyrics. But these stories lack his personal raw and jagged style. Perhaps that wasn't the direction the teams were allowed to go in. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. You can find it at various shops linked to Oni Press here.
Defiant Vol 1: The Story of Robert Smalls
This one was a Kickstarter but I wasn't interested in it. I wanted to wait and see if it made it to print before committing. Stranger Comics is a reliable brand but they do a lot with the Niobe line so I had my doubts.
This is an autobiographical story about Robert Smalls, the slave who broke free and stole a confederate ship. And that's pretty much all I know about the man; why wasn't this taught in the history books? The history books are so boring! Anyway, Vol 1 takes a look at his childhood from being a slave favored by the master of the plantation, to working in the city and being hassled by local cops.
The artwork isn't too impressive compared to much of the Niobe line. But this is a story-driven work rather than a spectacle-driven one. That's why I felt like the paneling didn't focus much on the action. I don't know whether they took direct quotes from his biography and other statements but the framing of the hanging scene and the other paneling reflected the thoughts in the bubbles.
I'm not sure when the full series will come out, but I saw that Vol 2 will be out in December. If you're looking for cool comics for kids to adults, you can't do wrong. Swing by https://www.strangercomics.com/ to get your copy today.
Young Grandmaster Choi #2
Sorry for the delay. I was distracted by the madness that is Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bacon. Anyway, this dropped today. The cover locale looks a little familiar but I can't quite place it. I think it's the folk village in Seoul because of the stairs but I might be wrong.
We continue the story of Rayven adjusting to life in South Korea (the good one, most of the time) and learning taekwondo with a friend. It's a common hobby in Korea for kids and occasionally adults. She's not fond of school lunches and misses the usual pizza for lunch. Yeah, she's like 7 or 8, give her a break. She's also got an annoying bully on her tail who regularly racially incites her about not being Korean. Well, she isn't. But this is a huge problem for those who are mixed-race, as the entire educational/cultural touchstone is ethnic nationalism. Anyway, her class gets to participate in a taekwondo demonstration at Gyeongbukgung palace. It's a pretty common thing here.
The artwork has improved a lot. I still think it needs a bit more improvement in shading, but because this is kinda geared for kids, I don't think they need to make it Sin City style. It'd be quite the mood shift LOLZ. I think readers will enjoy the elemental effects with the framing when Rayven is doing the taekwondo demo.
This just came out so it'll be a while before it goes on sale. I'll keep an eye on it, but if you can't wait that long, here's the Kickstarter.
PS43 Survives Issue #3
It's been a minute since the last time I checked on those bratty kindy kids stuck in the Zombie apocalypse. Let's see how they're doing.
At the end of issue 2, Lucia left the safe house at night to go help some puppies. Letitia must lead her tiny charges into battle against the undead to get her back from the pet shop. Fortunately they find her, but...
The background art has really improved and the detail around the zombies has improved since Issue 2. I really like the framing this time. The brutality of the scenes weighs on the faces of the kids and the art style carries the emotion well. I'd say the art team has made substantial improvements.
I also like their new strat of disabling the zombies so they can't bite anyone. It's a clever idea you don't see much in other comics. The pet shop scene was really intense as well. You'll have to read it to appreciate it. And finally, the art team has published issue #4. I'll probably talk about it on Halloween.
As usual, you can read PS43 returns here. And my first review here.
The Oloris Vol One
It’s finally here! And I forgot about it for months. But now that I’m stuck on a plane with nothing else to do for hours, I might as well get around to it. I probably should’ve waited until #2 was out because I can’t check the Internet here. Urrgghh.
The story is a continuation from the Fire & Fury series and the Windmaker series in that many of the old enemies return. Most of the heroes have come together and Malika is back from her mission in Zimbabwe to fight for the people. She is still looking for her evil nephew, who just happens to be Atala. And so does Lance, the man he tortured. After breking up the fight between them, the forces of Prytek show up. The great invasion long hinted has begun and the heroes are stuck together in Atala. And what is Malika’s vision warning her about? She is the leader and heavy hitter- without her, they and the continent are doomed.
As usual the artwork is amazing. I see they’ve learned a few pointers from the Dark Horse team. The only real problem I have with the novel is the pacing. I feel like the exposition is really helpful, since I haven’t read the series in a long time, but other readers who’ve read sooner might be annoyed as the characters get caught up on the villains in the story. It’s a bit easier to read on computer than tablet as I had to zoom in a lot of the time.
As expected they’ve done a good job of binding the storylines together, though I remain annoyed with the series’ lack of new villains. Perhaps that will come later? Or maybe we should email the authors? I hear they’re really easy to get in touch with.
You can find their works at YouNeek Studios or on Amazon here.
Ramayan 3392 #1
Today we go from Afrofuturism to Indofuturism with a mythic restyling of the Ramayan folk tale of India, written by Deepak Chopra of all people. Yeah, even I was confused. I always get the philosopher and the criminal mixed up. This was written by the good philosopher one.
Anyway, the world has survived the apocalypse but much has changed. A sliver of humanity still exists but sharing the planet are beast-men of all sorts and then the enemy led by Lord Raven on the southern continent. The old Maharaja decides to send his 4 sons to various locales to shore up the defenses in preparation for Lord Raven’s invasion. Rama and another annoying son are dispatched to a hinterland fort, where they party with the locals, get hangovers, argue about their mothers, and then the enemy attacks. This is like George Washington ordering his sons to Vermont just in case the British invade from Canada. Dunno if his sons were military or not, but I get a similar vibe.
The artwork is amazing in some ways but pedestrian in others. The framing needs a bit of work. I had to zoom in a lot to read the narration boxes. The cover’s cool, at least. If a remake is ever ordered, I feel like greater attention to body parts and framing would be the first steps. I also suggest arrows so you know which panel to read next.
I think this could be a worthwhile series to follow. Heck I might even get into Indofuturism. You can find Ramayan 3392 at Amazon here.
Winterman Comics #4
Another series I once followed finally put out a release! Of course this is why you click “follow” on the author’s information, so you know new books in a series are released. I didn’t know this was out there until I clicked on the book in my Amazon page.
We continue with the same characters stuck within the alien bubble. It appears the alien presence is reading her memories, but the process is interrupted by the attacking Merk. Freed from the bubble, Kally learns something important about the Merk but the threat may have other ideas. Is this an ‘enemy mine” scenario?
The artwork was a touch below what I’m used to. The action scenes were drawn and illustrated quite well but there seemed to be issues with other scenes, especially with some faces. I also didn’t find anything too special about the pacing or the framing, though I liked the action scenes art. The cover was alright- the tone and lighting really set the mood.
Well, if Thorne is going to keep making issues, then perhaps we should follow him properly this time. At Amazon type in Winterman Comics and look for Geoffrey Thorne. By the time you read this, he might have a new installment to the issue up.
Joystick Angels Issue 3
I didn't like the cover since it was a 2-page splash so I chose this page instead. I think it conveys the action coming in this episode.
The crew that got introduced last episode gets a flashback issue. We learn about the Calvary, a little bit about their origins, and their fated mission that changed the fate of humanity and the war itself. Seems like some scientists were working on Eukarya DNA with the goal of producing hybrids. Morphio has been sent to stop them...and cover up the misdeeds of Libor. While at the enemy base he discovers a complete hybrid of a different sort, and decides not to give in to command. Could this explain something important about Fox's team the Angels?
The art is really good, but the introduction of so many characters puts a strain on the page. None of them died because they all need to be there for the current story arc, but giving everyone lines seemed to drag the story out. The ship artwork still feels polygonal like StarFox64 but I think that's the effect the art team's going for.
The story is the biggest issue but I like the bonus character at the end. The story feels deep yet cliche. I'm hoping they make improvement and provide greater depth in future storylines.
You can find this and other issues in the series at raecomics.com.
Joystick Angels Issue 2
It's time to talk about issue 2, but in a surprise, there isn't as much to talk about.
2 months after the contest, Fox is still moping and Legz is still recovering from the loss of her legs. Hmm, you're probably thinking of something very popular and familiar. Anyway, the Eurkayan enemy has launched an attack against a vital fuel depot and the Angels are called in along with the rest of the fleet. Unfortunately they prove lacking and the Angels have to save the day.
Have you ever played StarFox? It was a really polygon-style game on N64. I never had that system so I almost never played it. This story feels like I'm reading a Starfox comic and I don't know how I feel about that.
Art remains the same. I don't think the team changed much but they seem to have nailed the character art down pat. My only problem with the art remains the issue with flight action. I think there needs to be a slower, more defined pacing to it. It just looks like a buncha lines that don't quite match the character's descriptions. Anyway, the next issue will be mainly on the ground, so they'll have time to work on it.
You can find this and other issues in the series at raecomics.com. I will cover episode 3 next week.
Joystick Angels Issue 1
One of my Kickstarters came through right as I was giving final exams. So I've been sitting on it for a few days. Kinda wish I got to it sooner.
In a dark distant future, humanity clings to survival far from Earth which was destroyed by a hostile alien race. Aspiring pilots like Angel Squadron team up to participate in the Libor Station's elite tournament, with the winners going on to the military. Think of it as Ender's Game Battle School and Elite Dangerous mashed together. During the competition, tragedy hits the team and the leader must decide what is the best way forward. Will he quit the squad or face his fears?
The artwork is amazingly detailed, yet somewhat problematic. I really enjoy the diverse character designs and the special effects, but the space fighter action is a bit trickier to determine what's going on. I think it'd look better in an animated form rather than the page, but we'll see if it goes in that direction. I really liked the paneling, especially during the spider mech challenge.
The creators even threw in a custom soundtrack that seems interesting but a little bit tricky to access. I got it working on Tidal but you might have more luck elsewhere. The little I was able to hear got me interested.
You can find this and other issues in the series at raecomics.com. I will cover episode 2 next week.
The Asiri volume 1 Free edition
A new series from the YouNeek lineup is coming out soon and the company was so happy with it, they released a chapter for free! Who doesn't like free comics?! Well, maybe me, but...
A long time ago (Before the events of Windmaker and Malika) a great technologically advanced kingdom called Asiri was created with the help of celestial beings and some powered amulets. In the beginning of the book there's a battle between magical beings that's a bit confusing and the second half is a flashback before the events of the novel. It kinda reads as a Wakanda story, minus the panther god Bast's involvement.
The art is amazing as always with a YouNeek product. The color saturation makes almost every scene gorgeous. Their time spend working with Dark Horse has really improved their works but then again even E.X.O was really good. The only drawback I noticed was a little lack of shadowing. I think they forgot to draw them.
Anyway, it's a free comic that's really high quality and will make you want to read more in the series, especially if you're into sci-fi fantasy mashups. 5 out of 5 stars. You can read it for free for now on BookFunnel, at least until the whole thing comes out.
4 Pages 16 Bars: A Visual Mixtape Vol 9: 23 to
I forgot I had this smorgasbord of comics from the Kickstarter last year. Griot Enterprises releases these every few years or so. I liked Vol 8 so I figured Vol 9 would be interesting as well. And yes, it is interesting but not in the way I feel the organization was going for.
It reads less like a mixtape and more like you're in the car with your friend and he keeps changing the station on the radio when you're settling into the song. Dude, can't you finish a song?! My guy!
About the only concurrent theme is history- there are little inserts about black people in comics and how it related to things going on in the rest world like the early civil rights movements, the assassinations of X & MLK, the rise of gangsta rap and the Wu-Tang Clan's interest in comics. I liked the historical snippets, since I only remember a few bits of it myself.
Deep inside the comic is a few pages from a failed Wu-Tang comic production in the aughts. I think they were planning a collab with JLA/Avengers but things didn't work out. Nonetheless, I think it would have been special on its own. There are a few pages and frames from artists across the Black comic collective, so there's something for everyone.
The greatest utility from this mixed up mixtape would be to learn about artists you hadn't heard of so you can look up their works online. I'll be doing that in subsequent posting as I saw a few I liked. You can find this comic on Amazon and DriveThruComics. It'll lead you to greatness.
Vandora Zandra #1 and #2
The writer of this series talked about it in the BCC group and I'd seen it around for awhile, so he asked me to review. Heh, his funeral....
Vandora Zandra is a half-human/alien living a standard teenage live, but her powers awakened young and has begun training. Her story begins with her boyfriend Keith suspicious of his stepfather Mort's pharmacy. Using her powers, she discovers the truth, but so does his stepfather. Mort's drugstore is funny. He sells kimchi, durian, escargot, AND basashi! On the next page there's hakarl, lutefisk and balut! Some of these are the smelliest foods on Earth. The DEA, FDA & the Health dept gonna shut him down!
In the second issue, some time has passed and she's decided to be a hero of the power. Her first fight; a purse snatcher who gets arrested by a racists ass police department! Are they in Shreveport?! Anyway, we learn a bit more about her alien father and her teacher/handler.
Power Broker is a Marvel character, so watch out for character infringement! Also watch out for typos. Sooo many typos.
Notice I haven't spoken much about the art. It's pedestrian at best but mostly subpar. The covers and character designs were good, but I've seen much better (for much cheaper). If they wanna get to the next tier of quality comics, BB Comics needs to up their game. Because just above them are Aceblade, Black Cobra, and Scorpio. And above them are Nightfall, Dayblack, and Horsemen. It'll be a while (and a lot of work) before Zandra can get anywhere near the titans of Black comics. But let's hope they try.
You can find Vandora Zandra on Amazon. So far 6 episodes are available with more on the way.
Black Cobra #1
While I never have any regrets about a Kickstarter (except Japan Needs Heroes) this is one I could've avoided. I encountered the writer on the BCC group as he was asking why Black folks aren't pitching in. So I jumped in because I like it when creators ask folks to check out their products. Don't mind if I do...
I was suspicious that it was a religiously focused comic because of some text I saw in the Kickstarter. And yup, correct! It is heavy-handed in its religiousity and I do not like that one bit. Is it better than Left Behind? To be honest, everything is better than that steaming turd. The bar for religious fiction is soooo low that anything slightly better is automatically good.
The art was quite good in many aspects. Framing was on point, character art was very consistent, info page reminded me of 90s Marvel Comics' style, the letter looked good as well. Art-wise, it's better than Scorpio. I also liked the covers (there are 2) and the pinups. Lighting/tone needs work.
Plot-wise, it's a bit weak. I liked the mini-stories a bit more than the main story but the forgiveness and come-to-Jesus angle kinda clashed with the first arc. They were chasing after the Cheetor wannabe for a reason. Later on, he becomes a good guy? What about his crimes? I don't get it, but it is a Christian focused comic, so I'll never get it. At least we got a good intro to Black Cobra the main character out of it, and we got a hint that #2 is on the way. 3.0 out of 5 stars, but 4 out of 5 in religious stars. Nightfall was better but that's a hard bar to climb over.
You can find Black Cobra and other comics in the series at Remnant and Grok Comics.
Vacationing In Southern Vietnam: 2 weeks of fun (& gut pain)
TET PERSPECTIVE
Tet is the Vietnamese version of Lunar New Year and it's a busy & exciting time for the country, but it's also a travel time. My buddy and tour guide went with me to Can Tho and Can Bei to check out the floating markets and strange meats. Can Tho is on the Mekong, a powerful yet steadily weakening river that starts all the way in the Himalayas. The lighting like this above the streets gives the city an upbeat feeling, though life on the ground is gritty and a bit hardscrabble. If you go here, don't be too surprised by the plastic pollution (it used to be worse) and be surpised by the food. We tried fried rat and, no S*** it tasted like chicken! My friend insists we should try fresh grilled rat, but even I doubt that's easy to find.
Oddly enough, it wasn't the fried rat that fried my intestines. I believe it was the ice or the pitcher of Long Island Iced Tea that did me in on the last day.
Strange Meats-Continued
This was my favorite dish in the country- sauteed water buffalo meat with lemongrass and bamboo shoots. 10 out of 10, would try again. Unlike American Buffalo, it doesn't have the sweetness but has the tenderness.
I consider the dish to be a metaphor in some ways. Vietnam cuisine is very meat-based compared to other SE Asian countries. Some historians consider this the reason for the more warlike past cultures, though I feel it wasn't reflected in the details I read in the history museums. Remember that they fought the Mongols and won, so they had a lot of fighting to do. The second part of the metaphor is that who would waste a 2,000lb meaty animal? That's not to say Vietnamese eat every animal, but you don't hear a lot of birds and insects. In Ha Tien and Can Tho, I heard more animal than I expected to. Once again, Vietnam defied my expectations in many ways.
Harlem #1 by 4th Wall Productions
Another series of Kickstarters cleared and I'm happy again to be talking about them. This is second half of the same Kickstarter that Ballad came in, though it has a different producer.
We jump right into the action when Harlem (woman on the cover) wakes up and sees charred corpses around her. She checks the room next to her and finds her parents shot dead on the floor. And of course the police are on the way. Someone wants her dead as is using the police to get it done. Harlem gets to her grandma's house and the truth of power's origin and its activation comes out. Can she handle the threats arrayed against her alone? Apparently she isn't as a fan favorite shows up to help. Here's a hint; he wields an axe. No, not the body spray.
The cover artwork's better than Black Rose but not exceptionally impressive. I liked the flame effect as it's a good representation of her powers and style. I wasn't a big fan of the overall art and the consistency of the characters. On page 9, there is a police photo of the main character that the news is broadcasting but it doesn' t look like the character so IDK what they were thinking. People would be calling the cops on the wrong person all night long. The action and power effects were consistently good and I'm hoping that the series continues with the same styling for those scenes.
I'm giving it 3.5 out of 5 stars. You can find Harlem at 4thWallPros along with Aceblade and other works there.
Ballad of the Black Rose by Bequest Studios
Another series of Kickstarters cleared and I'm happy again to be talking about them. Today we get a Western comic. Don't usually get those, padner! Let's ride!
Mr. and Mrs. Rose are homesteaders with an interesting past. They have a daughter called Prim who is the cutest around. But one day trouble finds them in town and they have to take action to protect their home. That trouble comes in the form of surprise taxes on their house. When they can't afford to pay, a shootout happens and little Prim becomes an avatar of the...not sure what's that supposed to be? The Teddy Bear of Destruction? There weren't Teddy Bears in the wild west days so I'm not quite sure if that's what the comic is trying to invoke. You'll need to read and see.
The artwork is slightly above average, even though I found the cover art to be below average. The paneling really frames the shootouts and tension well. Mr. Quick is not the artist, so while I can't say whether or not he planned the paneling, I can say that Silva's style is a little weak in some aspects with the background and head shapes. I know the trend is to draw everyone pretty, but this is an ugly story and it needed to be drawn ugly to reflect that. I think in that regard, it came out pretty well. I also liked how they drew Prim, and the menace of the finale.
I'm not a super fan of western stories but I see some potential here. You can find Ballad of the Black Rose at 4thWallPros along with Aceblade and other works there.
Kid Solar #1 by Trippy Bull Comics
The Black Comics Creators Facebook group has a lot of comic book makers looking to make their big break into the industry. So today I heard from the proprietor of Trippy Bull Comics with a review request. Let's see if it lives up to the hype!
The slightly typical origin story follows Sam (the boy in the school jacket) a typical struggling high schooler. He and his friend get jumped/set up by a gang and Sam runs inside (where else but) a poorly guarded nuclear fusion facility. A stray bullet triggers an explosion and Sam gains superpowers. But street violence is not something easily solved by powers. See how long Batman's been fighting crime in Gotham?
As far as the art goes, I'd say it's better than many #1 issues. The art team has a good grasp of paneling and shading. My only complaint is they draw the heads a bit too large. That'll probably work its way out in future issues. 4 out of 5 stars.
You can find Kid Solar at TrippyBullComics for free or $8 for a hard copy.
Here's the latest release of Cyberbeast Model V from my favorite artist Ariel Viola. I've got one more art piece to make up and then I should be ready for the webtoon artist meeting.
For best visual scary reference, set your browser to dark mode.
Astral Genesis #1
Have you read this story before? Because that's the feeling I had when I read the first 5 pages.
Former astronaut Jonathan DeVane struggles with life after leaving NASA in the wake of the mission to destroy a comet. Turns out, it wasn't a comet at all but an alien spaceship and debris from the crash killed hundreds across the world. But our hero doesn't know that, until his colleague Tommy asks him to help transport a Russian hacktivist to a swap meet. But it turns out the convoy was also carrying a secret. A secret named Lila. DeVane, the hacktivist, and the alien hybrid Lila must fight the US government to figure out her origin and what the evil general is up to, all before the invasion fleet shows up.
This is a graphic novel of 120 some pages so I wasn't counting on the air being great throughout. I was a bit surprised to see that it was quite consistent in quality. The paneling and interspaced amount of full page spreads were good as well. The dialog bubbies are spaced quite well and I didn't have problems knowing who's talking and when.
But the main problem with the story is that I've read too many versions of it. The grizzled vet main character and Lila the alien hottie reminds me of Fifth Element, the Russian hacktivist reminds me of a dumber Edward Snowden, and the evil general reminds me of every B-movie Scify channel's produced. Hell even the alien invaders felt "stock" to me. 4.5 out of 5 stars.
You can get Astral Genesis from Pet Piranha Entertaiment on Indiegogo.
My month playing Elite Dangerous. HINT: I wasn't very 'elite'
June 2, 2021
Elite Dangerous: Horizons is a space exploration MMO that I’ve taken to playing lately. It reminds me of my volunteer work on the PlanetHunters website, since I helped find many of those planets Kepler data had spotted. It was a team effort (more than 1 person had to acknowledge the find) but yes readers I DID MOST OF THE WORK!~ everyone else just copied off me. But they never respected MY GEINIUSSSS!
Anyway, Elite uses the real-life map of the Milky Way as the basis of the worlds. There are human factions and aliens and planets to land on, that kinda stuff. Also there are space stations and asshole pirates that knock you out of supercruise and hassle you for stuff. I mean, seriously? You really wanna pick a fight with me over my 1 ton of scrap?
I haven’t purchased the Odyssey DLC yet, but I will after they add more features and hopefully a Rimworld-esque experience. So I’ve been cruising the bubble 200 light years from Sol, making…a lot of funny mistakes.
This is the diary of Old_man_Steve, a divorced pilot running from the problems he caused on Tau Ceti and the 15% monthly alimony check he owes.
Incident 1: Tried Autodock. It crashed me into the rings of the station twice. I got billed for it. I don’t see why I should be forced to pay for damages that Autodock caused. Hell I can barely park the ship at this point in a Coriolis station but I don't hit anything.
Incident 2: I got yelled at for scanning government ships. But I’m in a damn Sidewinder! I don’t pose a threat. A Sidewinder is the starting ship and it's basically made out of thoughts & prayers.
Incident 3: I was using the Full Spectrum scanner when I found something called a Convoy Dispersal Pattern so I zoomed in. I heard man grunting sounds in the convoy signal and a woman saying “take it, take it like a boy”. Alright...found the freak fleet.
Incident 4: DSS probe hit a station that I aimed at by accident. Look I was trying to aim it at the planet but got a bit carried away. I guess it was cheap because I didn't get fined when it hit the station.
Incident 5: Couldn't blow up the drone in the practice round because I forgot to click H to target the drone. I spent 30 minutes shooting at this thing and couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing wrong. I bet the test examiner was shaking his head the whole time.
Incident 6: Ship bumped into my rooftop while I was trying to enter Coelho Station. Hey can’t you see I’m trying to park here? How do I get his number? I'm FLYING HERE I'M FLYING HERE! I want an insurance payout!
Incident 7: Went to bathroom in Supercruise mode. Came back 10 minutes later and I was going 1,350c and 10.2 light days away from the system I just finished exploring. Look I set the damn thing to 0.15c when I had to take a dump.
Incident 8: Got cocky and tried to fight an entire wing by myself. It didn’t go well.
Incident 9: I left the Pilots Federation District by accident because I thought the next world was part of the district. There was no sign. So there I was, with only 5.5 million credits to my name and a Sidewinder I forgot to fix, to face the Milky Way all by my lonesome. Sure hope this goes well. I'm sure the instructor doesn't want to see my dumb ass again.
Incident 10: Parked in wrong hanger deck and got yelled at by the station. Look I couldn't see the damn numbers! Gimmie a break!
Incident 11: Crashed into a nav beacon and now it’s ‘compromised’. Whoops...
Incident 12: Some jerkwad tried to fight me over 1ton of scrap I found at a degraded signal source. It's scrap! There's still plenty of it at that spot. Don't throw your life away over this, man.
Incident 13: While playing ED I was listening to Anton Petrov on Youtube and the ad came on so I looked away and clicked skip. Rammed a criminal in the Weapons fire zone. Started the fight. Boy was he or she confused. I won the fight, too.
Incident 14: Got interdicted 4 times in a system run by a gang but they couldn’t stop me. Look if this is too hard for you, then maybe you should leave me alone. Stop embarrasing yourselves.
Incident 15: Became allied with the Communists by accident. All I did was donate a little cash. They also seemed super stoked about all the planetary data I sold them. Hmm did I just start the Cold Space War?
Incident 16: I was about to swear at someone in the chatbox and the screen went from fullscreen to halfscreen somehow. I had to have hit some wrong button.
Incident 17: Pirates kept failing to interdict me. So now they wait until I’m scanning planet to get at me. They are really starting to get on my nerves.
Incident 18: Crashed onto the landing bay a few times. Why is it so hard to get the autodock to stop bugging me? Look I had the proper altitude and everything.
Incident 19: It took me 10 minutes to land because it never dawned on me that I was circling the base! Planetary landing are not easy for beginners!
Incident 20: There was a shootout in front of the Misfits of Science coriolis base. So I started shooting. Then they fined me. Hey everybody else was shooting! I want to challenge the ticket! Officer this isn't fair!
Incident 21: Almost crashed into the outpost because I was reading the Road to Riches site while cruising. Think I knocked over another lightpost.
Incident 22: The autodock tried to correct my landing on an outpost but instead got stuck on some sort of fixture. Took me a minute to unjam the thing. Autodock you're supposed to be HELPING me land, not getting stuck or smashing into rings!
Incident 23: I got 10 million for selling exploration data to a prison. I wonder what that really means...
Incident 24: Forgot to buy limpet transfer controller and limpets. I accepted to help someone and tried ramming him. But no fuel was transferred so I gave up and went somewhere else.
Incident 25: I used a lot of probes on that Earth-like world with lots of lights. They hit the planet at mach 50 or something. I'm sure there was no damage....maybe...
Incident 26: I was going too fast and the fuel transfer limpet bounced off the other ship. Look buddy, you wanted help. You didn't say 'competent help'.
Incident 27: The space communists really seem to like me. Seems like I get top credit every time I sell exploration data to their affiliated stations. Hey I got a lot of bills to pay. Why not?
Incident 28: Some punk Novice tried to fight me. So I flew by the space cops and they were VERY Happy to fight him for me.
Incident 29: I tried the same trick again in a Low Security system, this time shooting a lot of seeker missiles at the target hoping for an alpha strike. It worked...kinda... But I forgot which group my main weapons were and got beat up pretty bad. Good thing I was in the Diamondback Explorer.
Incident 30: Speaking of the Diamondback Explorer. it is REALLY loud with throttling the engine. I'm thinking of landing just so I can go outside and put in some sound masking foam. With a 4A thruster it sounds like someone shoved a Halo Elite into a bus engine. Whomp Whomp Whomp! That ain't soundin right...